We’re trying to sell our house. And as the primary (maybe only?) “clean” person in the house, when someone comes to look at the last minute with at least 3 hours notice, the bulk of cleaning stress falls squarely on my shoulders.

Granted, when asked, my family does jump in and help, but if someone is planning to come early in the morning, and it’s 11 pm the previous evening, you would think (!!!) that my teenage son would know NOT to throw his dirty clothes on the floor. You would think. Or maybe someone would think to wipe up the kitchen counter after a glob of lasagna fell whilst being reheated in the microwave. You would think.

I would, at any rate. I would think.

These things are just par for the course when getting a home ready to show.

So call me gobsmacked when, during this extremely busy holiday season, it seemed that someone came to look at our home every other day. Not really, but after months of not a single showing, it seemed like it!  (This probably has something to do with the remoteness of our home, and the fact that it’s a family home, not a retirement home like the majority are around here.)

Still, my realtor, my husband, and most people tell me to stop looking at the fact my house needs to be clean, picked up, uncluttered, inviting, spacious, pet-hair free, etc.. etc… as a giant inconvenience.

“This is just what you need to do to sell your house.”

Yes, it IS what I need to do, but it’s also a colossal inconvenience!

Especially when I am the one to do most of the getting ready.  My realtor isn’t forcing his family to clean the toilet.  It’s not an inconvenience for him.  My husband is usually off at work when I’m given an hour’s notice, so to vacuum 3 stories of house isn’t an inconvenience for him either…

I mean, do you know how untidy kids are? Teens? Do you know just. how. hard. it. is. to make them clean their rooms, let alone do it in under an hour?  This, on top of cleaning up the rest of the house, clearing a pathway through the boxes of junk (ahem) strategically placed by the workbench, and hiding my animals so as not to offend the sensibilities of those who might not actually want a glob of dog fur clinging to their pants legs.

Yes.  I want to sell my house.  I’m ready for a change.  And yes, I want to have a good attitude about the “inconvenience” caused by selling my house.  But I don’t.  I don’t have a good attitude at all.

I have a bad attitude and I want chocolate.

Really, the years have been happy ones.

Look forward to that. And try to always look on the bright side, because that is the very thing that gets you through the bad times. You did a pretty good job of that anyway, but it would help if you knew ahead of time that that’s what really mattered when you were walking through the sadness, uncertainty, and fear.

Here’s something you should understand…. Fear. It’s a big time waster. I don’t know that you ever learn how to get past feeling it, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Rather, read a story to your kids, watch The Sound of Music, Pride & Prejudice, or Braveheart yet again, bake chocolate chip cookies, go for a run, or read a book from the library. All those things are a better use of your time. Stop thinking about whatever the thing is that’s causing your fear. Besides… the fear? It’s a word. An emotion. Rarely does it turn out that the agent of your fear is the huge monster you imagine.

And when the worst does happen, well, it brings you closer to Him. You find that He is indeed your strength. He is your comfort. You learn more about His compassion and grace, His kindness and mercy when the fear sets in than when life is humming along smoothly.

So learn to embrace all the mountains as well as the valleys that life brings.

Another thing: Get over yourself. I read somewhere (and then learned when I had teenagers of my own) that as a teen you spend an inordinate amount of time concerned with you instead of the people around you. Likewise, all those kids around you are only concerned with themselves.No one really cares if you wore those same jeans yesterday or if your mom put a love note in your lunch that day. If your hair isn’t just perfect and you had to have your dad drive you to the basketball game instead of driving the family car yourself, no one is paying attention. Really. So stop worrying about it. Just concentrate on being a friend to your friends and kind to those that aren’t.

And if people don’t want to be your friend? Well, so what? No matter what you do, and how hard you try, not everybody in this world will like you. Learn to put forth your effort toward the people that have your back, and don’t dwell over the ones that don’t. Still, never forget to be kind to all. That girl in your neighborhood who caused you all kinds of misery when you were in elementary and middle school? She turns out to be a friend. A good friend, in fact. Other people you thought were friends? Not so much. Pay attention to the people that seek your company for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. The people that wanted to be your friend when your dad got a new Porsche were the same ones that abandoned you a few years later when his business went under.

Despite being a cheerleader, don’t be upset that your little scrawny self is always the last one chosen in gym class to be on the popular girl’s team. You grow up to compete in triathlons, run marathons, and are generally in much better shape than a lot of the people that show up to your high school reunions. You’re strong, you’re disciplined, and you like the challenges that most of your friends now might say “I could never do that.” You can do that, and you do!

Boys. Again, it all works out. You marry the kind of man that cherishes you and puts up with all your quirks and faults. When you weep once more watching William Wallace cry out “Freeeeeeedoooooooomm!” after the 58th viewing, he just smiles. When you make a nest of books and magazines on your bed on Sunday afternoons for some “me time” he lets you have that space and time. When it’s time to choose a vacation spot, even though he despises it, he picks the beach because he knows that’s where you’re happiest. Those Junior year beach crushes that were always dazzled by your beautiful best friend while you shyly stood by? Nothing, truly nothing, compared to him. Marriage is not always easy and doesn’t even remotely resemble a Hallmark Movie Channel romance, yet you absolutely know you’re valued and loved. No matter what.

Oh, and before I forget… Apple. Buy stock in Apple Computers. It takes over the world.

The beach and a good book? Still your perfect day. Although, you’d now rather have a margarita to go with that than a chicken-fried steak biscuit from Hardee’s. You’ve come a long way, baby.

Kids. You become one of those weirdo homeschool moms you said you’d never ever be. And you LOVE it! Even though you still have your “only child moments,” you love that you get to spend all day with your favorite people. And they are fun! And smart, wise, amazing, funny, and weird too, but they make you smile and laugh and sigh and cry and breathe in the joy of life every single day.

Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. Your grandfather is always telling you to stop apologizing for every. little. thing. But you figure that if you say you’re sorry before someone else has the chance to tell you that you messed up, it’ll make it all better. It won’t. Figure out how to understand what is your fault and what isn’t. Only own up to what you are truly responsible for, otherwise, people will walk all over you.

Oh, and remember how awkward and tentative you felt when you tried to comfort your friend next door, when her big brother, the prom king at your high school, died? Or when you tried to share a kind word with the brother of your friend who was killed in a car accident, but no words would come? So you just sat with them? You felt so… inadequate. But when you’re older and trying to comfort friends who’ve lost spouses and children, you’ll understand that just sitting there, just showing up is enough.

In fact, just just showing up is really a good thing to remember in your life. When there’s no money left for groceries in those early days? Just show up and go to work and the money will show up too. When your kids are being little snots again? Just show up, hug them, love them, and eventually they’ll go to sleep! No, really, once they’re asleep you’ll find the capacity to love them again. And when you and your husband disagree about something and that disagreement lasts for days? Just show up to the marriage and you’ll muddle through because… your marriage is more important than the disagreement.

Show up. Be present. Live your life instead of letting it get away from you. You’ll thank me.

Some time ago, I decided to take time off from this blog.

I’ll be honest: I was discouraged that for all the time I spent crafting strings of words woven together, I was pretty sure I was writing to – and for – no one but myself. And for those of us who love to write, it almost goes without saying that one writes to be read.

The conundrum for me was – is – this: I’m a pretty private person. I’m one of those “hold it in, suck it up, and don’t let it go” kind of people. This, of course, only leads to explosive tantrums and wailing jags. Not a pretty picture, or a good idea. Still, that’s who I am. In blogging, it’s been difficult to figure out the balance between baring my soul, and keeping enough of me behind a wall. I’m not one to share with everyone and anyone I know that I have a blog. Lots of people have no problems self-promoting, but it feels a little bit like allowing someone to step on the bathroom scale with me – some things you just want to keep to yourself. But… I still want someone to read what I write. It caused a sort of war within me. Kind of a “damned if I don’t” thing, but more importantly, “damned if I do” as well. I didn’t know how to handle the tension of the two.

So I just stopped writing. I decided to keep myself to myself. Until… I started to miss writing. REALLY miss it. A lot. This blog was – is – my avenue to write. Writing turns off the popcorn popper of thoughts inside my head. Writing gives me an outlet so I don’t  always have to think. And I wanted to reconnect with that part of myself again. Sometimes, you have to resolve to forget about something for a while to remember how important it really and truly is.

Eventually, I started connecting with other introverts who blog. I read books and articles about fear, and perfection, and writing, and hopes and dreams. I discovered that our purpose is to use the gifts God gave us to not only glorify Him, but to use those gifts to be the person He created us to be.

And I’m pretty certain He created me to write.

Here’s the thing though…. He never promised me that I’d write to be read. Only that in writing, I would more fully be the person He formed me to be. The person He desires me to be. Really, I need only write to please Him.

So if no one ever reads these words but me, from now on, it be enough.

Last month, in our small little county, in a rural patch of Appalachia, a soldier came home.

He came home to a hero’s welcome. Crowds lined both sides of a 40 mile stretch of the highway from the airport to town. Banners were hung from businesses, people were dressed in red, white and blue, waving flags both large and small.

I’ve never seen such an overt display of patriotism in my life. Not even on the Fourth of July. Sometimes, I think, much like Christmas, the importance and meaning of Independence Day or Veterans’ Day is lost on most people. I confess, I’ve often just passed it off as another day that there is no mail or the banks are closed.

Let’s face it, we don’t celebrate this holiday with parades much anymore. Scores of WWII and Korean War veterans are no longer living. Vietnam vets still harbor bad feelings about that war and their perception of the support for their service. Many veterans of the Gulf War, as well as the War on Terror, are just busy making a living, raising families, and even still serving. Most years, because if there are Veterans’ Day ceremonies, they aren’t publicized in many places beyond the VFW hall, it plays out as just another day.

Several years ago, I watched “Saving Private Ryan” and it changed the way I looked at Veterans’ Day. My grandfather fought in the European theater during WWII and while he wasn’t part of the Normandy Invasion, I’m certain he saw things no one should have to see. The movie opened my eyes to war. I felt differently about those who served. And I felt differently about the cost of freedom.

But nothing brought it home like that day last month when a soldier came home.

When Marine Lance Corporal Frankie Watson came home, he came home in a casket.

I saw with my own eyes what freedom is really about. I saw that not everyone who fights for my rights and privileges as an American comes home to their loved ones. And even though I didn’t personally know Frankie – although I know enough people that did – it hurt. It still does.

I can’t even imagine how it hurts the families and the friends and the brothers-in-arms who lose a loved one in combat.

But then, it must hurt too, when a soldier who put his or her life on the line, and maybe lost a buddy or two, or lost eyesight or a limb, comes home without a hero’s welcome.

Because they most assuredly deserve it.

Thank you to all who have served and are serving your country. What you do matters…. more than you know.

May God bless you for your sacrifices and dedication each and every day.

I was one of those kids that used to literally hide behind my mom’s skirts. I’m aging myself because when I was little, women still wore dresses and skirts on a daily basis.

But oddly enough, most people I meet nowadays think I’m extroverted.  Why?

Simple. Because I ask questions.

Recently, my husband and I were at a church banquet for our daughter, who was moving out of the middle school ministery into high school.  Our church does nice things like that.  The student leaders all get up and say something special about each particular student to help them transition into the wild world of high school and such.  Anyway, it was a semi-formal event.  It’s been ages since I was at one of those kinds of functions.  I felt awkward and pensive because I had to wear an actual dress and heels.  In front of other people and not just my mirror, no less!

So I was mentioning this random little musing to another mother at our table that I know fairly well enough to know that she wouldn’t look at me as if I were from another galaxy.  She expressed surprise that I felt out of place and unsure.  When I told her that I always feel like that in a room full of people I don’t know, she told me she was shocked, because she thought I was always so at ease with most people.

My turn to be shocked.  Because I’m not at ease at all.  I still feel like the frightened little 6 year old blushing at the mere thought of having to say “hi” to my dad’s boss’s wife.

So as I lay in bed pondering this little nugget of information that night, I wondered how I could feel so shy and reticent, yet seem to be outgoing and genial.  Now, maybe some of you that know me could weigh in on this one; perhaps she picked up on something entirely different than what you see in me.  If so, please let me know.  I’m curious.

But all that I could come up with was that I ask a lot of questions of other people.  I really would rather deflect the spotlight off of me.  Maybe other people think I’m friendly because I’m asking about them.  Of course, I do talk about me, my life, and other stuff as well, but not nearly as much, because it’s scary letting people in.

My grandfather was very good at asking questions.  My mom and one of my sons does this too.

I don’t think I’m extroverted and loquacious.  In fact, I know I’m not.  But one can act like an extrovert.

Don’t you think so?

Today, my second child got his driver’s license.

I hate it that he passed the driving exam.

No, not really, but then again, absolutely yes.

I’m just not ready for him to be this grown up.  I’m not ready for him to be out on the vewwy scawwy roads where there are so many half-witted drivers not paying attention to the roads that my baby will be driving on.

I’m not ready for him to have this degree of independence.  I kind of liked having some “alone” time with him in the car as he learned to drive.  (Just for the record, he hated those sessions because I often clenched my teeth, gripped the door handle, and on very rare occasions, raised my voice just a tad too loudly.)

I know I’ll get over this feeling; I’m pretty nonchalant anymore about my oldest driving.  And I do have to say that this child has been driving pretty sophisticated lawnmowers and tractors for a few years, so I know he’s a very capable driver.

Still…  driving means that in a few years time he’ll be leaving.

I love my alone time.  And I love my couple time with my husband.

But I also just really love my kids.  I like having them around.

When they drive though, they’re not around as much.  I’m having a hard time with that one – even though I homeschool – because it’s hard to not see him as just my “baby” anymore, but a responsible young adult….

Why is it so hard to let go?

Today though, I’ll share a mango salsa recipe that I’ve re-jiggered with strawberries.

If I had to choose a final meal, rather than pizza, fried chicken, lasagna, or something “normal,” I’d probably choose grilled tilapia with warm mango salsa from Bonefish Grill.  I love this meal in an abnormal way.  I crave it.  In fact, after my first marathon, my husband took me to Bonefish, and it was all I could do to wait for it to arrive at the table – my appetite was waaaayy off the charts!  It’s full of protein, super tasty, and not a heavy meal at all.  Perfect for having just run 26 miles.  Or, for that matter, perfect for a day sitting around watching Sandra Dee movies too.

I’ve found the recipe for the Bonefish Grill warm mango salsa online, so I merely switched strawberries for the mango.  I imagine it would be delicious on chicken or fish, but this night I used it over a jerk pork tenderloin.  It was pretty wonderful.

The recipe at Bonefish doesn’t use fresh jalapenos, but I like them, so I substituted those for the red chili flakes.  It also provides a little extra color.  This salsa can be served either warm or cold – it was great lightly warmed in the microwave over the pork loin, but it’s fabulous cold over fish tacos!

Strawberry Salsa

2 C diced strawberries, washed and tops cut off
1/2 C diced yellow or orange pepper
1/2 C diced red onion
1 T fresh garlic, chopped
1 small to medium diced jalapeno, depending on your heat likability
1/4 C chopped fresh cilantro
2 T scallions, chopped
3 T olive oil
3 T light corn syrup
1 T lime zest
juice of 1 small lime
salt and pepper to taste*

Chop the first 7 ingredients and mix together.  Mix olive oil, lime zest, and lime juice together; pour over salsa.  Add salt and pepper to taste, and then mix thoroughly.  Let the salsa sit in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours for the flavors to meld.  Serve with chips, on tacos, over fish or poultry.

*I am a big fan of Jane’s Krazy Mixed-Up Salt and use it for most things calling for salt and pepper.  It not only has salt and pepper in it, but herbs and spices too.

For printable version, click on the recipe name

And to shop.

Yes, there are so many other fabulous places to shop: NYC, Atlanta, Boston, San Francisco, and the list goes on and on. But at this point in my life, everything is about the word bargain.

I coupon. I use coupon apps on my phone. I have an app to find the cheapest gas wherever I’m going.  I scour the Sunday ads in the paper.  I shop at consignment  and thrift shops.

I do all this so I can afford to keep one son in decent shoes, the other son current on his college tuition, buy hair products for my lusciously curly-headed girl, subscribe to satellite TV sports for my husband, keep food in the fridge, gas in the car, and a whole host of other expenses.  You get the idea, because you’re doing it too…

So when it comes to ultimate clothes shopping bargains, I head to Cincinnati.  Why? What’s so great about Cincinnati clothes bargains?

Um… the Gap Clearance Center.

Technically, it’s not in Cincinnati; it’s south of the Ohio River in Hebron, KY, very close to the Cincinnati airport.

What’s so fabulous about it that I would write a whole post about it?

Um… the great Gap brands (Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, Piper Lime, Athleta) at unbeatable prices.

For instance, when I was there last month, all women’s jeans were just $4.99!  Banana Republic jeans that retail for $80+ dollars for just… $4.99.

They’re not always $4.99.  The prices vary and are always different every time I’m there.  Once, women’s jeans were $11.99, and another time they were a mere $1.99 a pair. (Wow!)  I’d say on average, though, they aren’t much higher than the $11.99 price.  Same for men’s jeans too.  You just never know what deal you’ll get, but shoot! It’s rare to find a pair of jeans at Walmart for only 12 bucks.

The clothing at the Gap Clearance Center is comprised of returns, overstock items, and some damaged goods.  Because sometimes a zipper might not work, a button is missing, or there is a small stain or rip, you need to be very careful before you decide to buy.  That said, I have found clothing with stains or rips, and I’ve bought them anyway.  After years of doing laundry and sewing for my family, I’m pretty good at deciphering what can be salvaged by a wash and a mend.

The store has clothing for men, women, children, babies, and also athletic apparel.  Depending on what time of year you go, sweaters, shorts, winter coats, bathing suits, and pajamas might be in stock.  Jeans, t-shirts, trousers, dress shirts for women, golf shirts for men,  kids clothing, shoes and accessories are always on the racks.

I’m always pretty amazed at the kind of things I can find for a rock-bottom price.  Most of the time, the store sales tag is still on the clothing item, so you can see exactly how much you’re saving.  For instance, I once bought a brown leather bomber-style Gap jacket for $30.  The original tag was for around $170-ish dollars; I know I wouldn’t have bought it at that price!

If I’m lucky, I’ll get to Cincinnati a couple times a year, and I always make a stop at the clearance center.  I can buy between 8 – 10 items apiece for each of the 5 people in my family and spend somewhere between $150 – $200 dollars total.  Even going twice a year, if I only spent $400/yr. to clothe my family, that’s incredible!

In fact, one year as I was taking the tags off the clothes to run them through the wash, I decided to add up what the full cost would have been, had I actually bought the clothing in the retail stores rather than the clearance center.  For a purchase of just under $200, I discovered I would have spent about $750 otherwise!

That’s what I call a bargain extraordinaire.

I like to shop for clothes.  My husband would rather I didn’t.

I like to save $$$.  My husband likes that I like to save $$$.

But honestly? He doesn’t mind that I shop for clothes at the Gap Clearance Center.

It makes us both happy.

My religious community has never really practiced Lent. In fact, when I was growing up, I watched my Catholic friends with a bit of awe as they gave up things like gum, soda, TV, video games (PONG! Pacman!) and the like. It’s something I never quite understood.

But a few years ago, I was reading Guidepost magazine, and came across an article about a woman who decided to give up Peanut M & M’s for Lent.  Having never thought about it before, it was like a smack in the face because I love. Love. LOVE Peanut M & M’s.  I pretty much always have them in the house.  (A while ago when my husband was doing the South Beach diet and we were really paying attention the glycemic index, I saw that all things considered, Peanut M & M’s were fairly low on the index for a chocolate-y candy.  Although I was partial to them before, I’ve been über loyal to them ever since.)

But back to business: I saw that I, too, had a weakness, a physical temptation, if you will, for Peanut M & M’s.  They were a habit I relied on far too much.  And I thought about participating in Lent the following year by giving them up.

Except… I didn’t.

But it was always in the back of my mind.  I thought it was something I should do.

Sometime.

And then this year, I felt strongly that I should give up something for Lent.  Peanut M & M’s definitely came to mind, but after consideration, there were just so many things I relied on too much.  Too many habits.  Too many weaknesses.

The more I thought about it, not only was I tempted by physical things, I gave too much credence to silly things. Things like reading too many news websites on the internet first thing in the morning. I spend too much time on Facebook.  I watch movies that I’ve already seen 13 times.  I read fluff instead of reading meat. I download apps for my phone that I say will make my life easier, but in reality they just take more of my time away… It’s time away from devoting my full attention to the people that mean the most in my life – my husband and children.  My friends too.  And to a large degree, things that take time away from me, even.  But really, it’s not about taking away from my husband, my kids, my to-do list, my friends, or myself.  It’s about these things taking my focus off of living a more Christ-like life.

That’s just the time-wasters though. What about eating too many sweets?  What about chocolate?  Ice cream after dinner?  Nachos?  A handful of chips instead of an apple? Pizza?  Again, too many fillers and not enough sustenance.

Fillers and not enough sustenance. That pretty much sums up what Lent is all about in my mind.  In trying to satisfy an emptiness in my body, my soul, I adopt the wrong things.  Instead of filling myself with Him, I fill myself with all manner of… nothings.

And it literally takes taking something I (mistakenly) depend on out of my life, to show me what I should absolutely be connected and committed to.

The thing is… Lent is only 40 days out of 365.  What about those other 325?  Only 40 days of my year that I see just how incredibly weak I am…  Only 40 days out of my year that I know how utterly foolish I’ve been in making other things my god instead of the one true God…

I can hardly believe Lent is just once a year.

I need to celebrate Lent every day.

Because that’s how often I need to be reminded of what really matters.